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[alformthearm]

"This is Alfor. I'm sorry if I've missed you, but do leave a message and I'll be sure to get right back to you as soon as I can."

Comments

[alformthearm]

Darin, when I last left my Allura she was not yet even walking, barely able to sit up on her own. Certainly she was given toys and a Galra ceremonial helmet but otherwise she was too young then for me to make any sort of assumptions!

-what snowstorm? Where are you?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Okay well, does she maybe still have the helmet because she's kind of running around with bombs now and I can't help but think the more armor she has the better?

We're down on Allcoran, she wanted to take me on a quest for...some...ice key? That unlocks bonus content? Look, I'm as confused as you are and I assure you, she was in good hands until she decided that these bombs needed a good home.

[alformthearm]

Perhaps you might come across some sort of obstacle where...explosives might be needed?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Cool. I'll just politely ask her to sacrifice one of her new friends in a ritual of napalm and hellfire. Then, after I pick my brain up and shove it back into my skull after she's done beating it out of me, I'll park my ass right back down at square one again.

Seriously, Your Majesty, your daughter is truly amazing and I care very deeply for her? But at this point, I'd rather take my chances pissing off the bomb.

[alformthearm]

[A sigh.]

Oh, no no- that won't work, and you're absolutely right. She would have to come to the conclusion herself at what must be done, of course. But therein also will depend what she might rule as priority within the given situation.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Okay, that's a very fair point.

Counterpoint: You daughter sees she might have to blow up one of her new friends so she bats her big, blue doe eyes at her bodyguard and makes him figure out an alternative.

I'm not saying that's exactly what's going to happen? But that's exactly what's going to happen because I'm kinda ill-prepared to actually say 'no' to her when she gives me that look.

[alformthearm]

...no, that's completely reasonable a thing to anticipate. Um.

...faint?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

SHE'S CHASING ME NOW!

1/2

[alformthearm]

.....

[alformthearm]

My advice?

Run faster.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

DOES YOUR DAUGHTER COME WITH A TECHNICAL MANUAL ON HOW TO DISARM HER?!

[alformthearm]

...well, for starters I don't think your choice of words has been helping the matter.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

YOU RAISE A GOOD POINT BUT AS A MAN OF SCIENCE CAN YOU REALLY SAY MY CLASSIFICATIONS ARE OFF THE MARK?!

I CAN'T HELP IT, I TEND TO BE BLUNT WHEN I PANIC. IT'S AN INTEGRAL CHARACTER FLAW AND IT JUST MAKES ME SO DAMN CHARMING! I'D SAY TO ASK YOUR DAUGHTER AS PROOF OF THIS BUT, AND I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH, SHE'S CHASING ME WHILE CLUTCHING LIVE BOMBS.

IF I DIE PLEASE LET MY EPITAPH READ "HE THOUGHT SHE WAS DA BOMB AND HE WAS COMPLETELY RIGHT." AND BEFORE YOU ASK, IT'S APPARENTLY EARTH SLANG IT MEANS I THINK SHE'S AMAZING WHEN SHE'S NOT ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL ME.

[alformthearm]

-I really wish you wouldn't shout so! I can understand how you get when panicked and nervous but Darin, please--

You know I really find it amazing that you can hold such a thought process while in such a state. Here- can I speak to her? Allura, of course.

[ONE INCREDIBLE OFFSCREEN TAKE DOWN LATER]

[patchricide]

[She takes the communicator from Darin (who is face down in the snow underneath her) and starts speaking in a chipper voice.]

Hello, father~! I'm not sure what he's told you, but I promise everything is going perfectly well.

[alformthearm]

Hello Allura. I hope that you left Darin in one piece. He was only trying to help.

I'm glad to hear it, however. There was the mention of you clutching...bombs? So of course you will understand my concern for your well-being, both your well-beings.

[patchricide]

Oh, of course! I would never seriously hurt him. Of course, it might have sounded a little violent, but his resilience is really quite incredible! I'm not sure I could break him if I tried!

Now... yes. I admit, I did find a chest full of these unusually cute and expertly crafted items that could, in purpose, be considered a type of bomb. But they aren't armed, and -- look, you really ought to see them for yourself! Using one would be like blowing up a piece of art!

[alformthearm]

-please don't try, dearest.

Perhaps I'll come back out to Allcoran so I can do just that- have a look at them. But if they're considered a type of bomb, then there doesn't seem to be much room for doubt as to their purpose, Allura. Armed or not, there's no denying what they're capable of.

whoops, thought I tagged this already

[patchricide]

I won't! I promise!

[Geez, all it takes is carrying around one little satchel of bombs and people stop trusting you.]

And you're only saying that because you haven't seen them for yourself yet. ... oh, why don't we just do this, and let me show you them now?

[It takes a moment, but she switches the device to video. Sure enough, it's everything that one would expect: A snow-covered region of the planet, with Allura bundled up in warm gear. Darin is barely in the frame, and is probably regretting his decisions, since he's wearing his usual clothes while being face-down in the snow.]

[But enough about that. What's important here is the bomb Allura is holding in her hands.]

Just try and tell me this is the same as any other bomb! It has little feet on the bottom, too!

[STILL IN THE BACKGROUND]

[patchricide]

Wait, did you say 'Your Majesty'?

... are you calling my father about this??

[She's running back over to him.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[And he is now running away. Quickly.]

Look, I needed advice on how to deal with a ticking time bomb!

And also how to deal with exploding mice toys!

[patchricide]

What did you just call me?!

Darin, stop! Get back here!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

You realize that you're just confirming my assessment right?!

[HAHAHAHA NOPE BYE]

[patchricide]

Oh yes, I'm perfectly unreasonable for getting mad at someone's who's trying to make me mad!

[NOT FAST ENOUGH DARIN, SHE'S GAINING]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID I WASN'T TRYING?!

[SPRINT DAMMIT SPRINT]